I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
