you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
