my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
