I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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