i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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