He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
