It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
