Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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