I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
