i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
