Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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