i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
