the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
