anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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