Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
