I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize