and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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