Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
