I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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