god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize