I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
