i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
