Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
