When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
