Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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