You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
