you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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