Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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