Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
