obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
