I'm so fucking centered right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
