my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
