So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my being single is dangerous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
