thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
