i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
