If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
