you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
