Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
OPIZZABONMYDICK
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
