ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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