finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
