Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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