Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
