just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
