You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
