That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
