Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
