her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
