I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
this hospital has no fireball
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
