I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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