First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
