Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
