i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
