i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
