I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
