Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
