He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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