bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
