Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I want is dick and wine.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
