She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
