Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
