you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
