what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
