you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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