did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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