i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
