haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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