Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
