Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
