Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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