I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
