Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
