Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
