So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish my penis had a tongue
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
