Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
